If you take too long.....

And Another

Ok, I know the title caught you off guard. Let me explain! I lost another, and another. I lost another night of sleep thinking about all the things I have gotten involved into this year alone. Why? Why? Why? I continue to do this to myself. If I don't learn from the past I am doomed to repeat it. I did this last year too. Will we go for another one. I should be out of this by now. But no, I want to become a better person, a better man, a writer, a better friend, a better student, a better brother, a better son. I guess I want a lot because I’m a lot of things to a lot of people. A leader, a role model, and a poet. Can’t please all of the people all of the time, and I’m not even gonna try. Not anymore. See the reason I said that is because I decided a long time ago what kind of person I was, when it came to evaluating anything. I think quick and get out. I try not to spend too much time on any one thing. I have always wanted to be writer. And I know everyone is trying.... no they are helping us get there. I should be grateful that such a teacher would prefer to turn students into writers not quitters. I am not going to lose anymore sleep because I'm finally done with this.

Research Research Research

Wow its hard to believe that all I have done was reading, reading, reading, for my research. Did forget to say reading. I have a PhD in research, I could have had a V8, solved world hunger, bought about world peace. No not me, I have to be doing research, research, research, did I forget to say research. I counted all the hours I studied, read, focused on, talked about, drank, slept, research. By now I could have had a PhD in Stem Cell, Nursing, Aerodynamics, Middle Eastern Studies, but no I have a PhD in research. Funny how all of this research didn't bring me any income, a pension, no future, no future, did I say no future. No awards, no honors, no sense of security, funny how it seems doing all this research has turned into a career, my daily ambition, my homework, my to do list today read research, research, research. Don't ask me what I did these past two weeks, because it wasn't like productive like other classes or family or friends or any other activity except research. I was fully employed in the fury of research. Hours upon hours figuring out where to look next, have I probed deep enough, can I check out a couple of other sources first, is this a good reference. I could have finished another poem or book of poems, I could have fought terrorism, build a soup kitchen to feed the homeless. No instead I have wasted hours in the library of boredom. Quiz me I think I know everything about my topic. I'm an expert in the subject, paid full tuition at It's All About The Research University... have you visited? I'm sure you have. See at the door they pat you down for self esteem and a life. Study hard students! You have a paper due on Tuesday entitled "How To Be An Environmentalist While Writing A 500 Page Paper" and include all rough drafts. See now I'm licensed to teach to other hopeless students.

As far as I can remember

While I was growing up, I had run in with criminal activity. My friends were killers, drug dealer, thieves, gang bangers. And some of my family was apart of the mafia. Now most of them all have died or in prison. I have shot at more than once, and a gun has been put to my face 3 or 4 times. Today was an interesting to say the least because I went sleep and had dreams as if I were still in the dark world. Having to remember that things can worse, having to remember the pain that I had live with every single day. Thinking there was no way I could live to be 25, thinking there was no way I could go to college. Now me being the son and grandson of some very important people helped me get to where I am now, but I have lost all of my friends, I have moved away from most of my family(thats still alive). What should I regret not being there to help those that are still here or should I regret trying to forget where I come from?

You say it..... We play it....

Wow ok I never thought I would see my words posted on a screen like today, but I guess it makes you think what you are going to post. I now have to be cafeful to watch my words think before I write. So since I have to think before I write I want you to think about what I write. Just a weird thought to get you started

Prep for Spring Break (Poetic)

Ok this was a very hard week but somehow I survived, so far. Well I went and showed a group of people my blog, as far as I know things are going great so far. I had plans for Spring Break that I made months ago, but they fell through well I decided that I would go see the Isley Brothers come here to town. I didn't get a chance to make a submission into the writing contest but I decided to post my submission on here and then you can tell me if I would have been at least a finalist. It's called Touch


Wow, look over there!
Have you seen her before?
She walked through the door,
My tongue hit the floor.
Boldly I take that first move,
Knowing I have so much to lose.
A subtle comment draws no notice;
All we want is someone to hold us.
Because you see since birth,
All the time we spend on earth
From the dawn of time
Contact sublime
We long to touch
And be touched
Oh my goodness
God graced us with yet another beautiful creature
Look at this midnight sun,
Even better than the first one
When I see her
I mean when its her I see
This I can guarantee
Bended Knees and shopping sprees
Because you see,
since birth,
All the time we spend on earth
From the dawn of time
Contact sublime
We long to touch
And be touched
Now with this woman I'm a fan
More than man with plan
Her soul be angelic as it can
thinking what's going on in her mind
should I or should I not touch entwined
Because you see since birth,
All the time we spend on earth
From the dawn of time
Contact sublime
We long to touch
And be touched

Are you tired, but can't sleep read this

I don't know about you but sometimes I'm a writer and sometimes I'm a reader. Now when I read the homework assignment for Evaluating...... OMG...... I nearly fell asleep reading all the big fancy words this guy could think up for Peter Jackson's Sorcery. Now here is the sad part I read the whole long boring thing, don't ask me to remember any of it.

Lost in Phoenix

Lost In Phoenix

When I first heard about the assignment I knew this would be something that was for me. I love talking to an audience secretly. I am a walking opinion on life and everything therein. Writing to an editor with the idea that my letter might be published appeals to me, because I would find this as a validation point in my life.
From this point I am writing in anger. I want not just for my voice to be heard but I also want to speak for the voiceless and to stir up the masses and cause a little chaos. Now at the same time I am being validated and speaking for an unspoken audience, this gives me more cause to write, another reason to continue fighting for injustice.
Those that are quiet never make it anywhere, but at the same time, those that are loud and controlling are bought down in a blaze of glory. Let’s not forget that from time to time I like to stand up and take a cause on something to fight for. All together I am establishing I’m an angry freedom fighter as far as writing goes.
I am writing a letter addressed to the editor of a magazine that I read. You would think that my audience would be just the editor, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I don’t care if the editor agrees or disagrees. I’m not trying to change his mind. I only care that he publishes my letter.
I am really writing to the author of the article, telling him he did a great job, to the readers of the magazine trying to start uproar, and to the family of the teenager trying to be a little justice in their eyes. Let’s not forget the teenager being accused of the crime. I want him to know that he is not alone.
Most importantly my true audience for my letter is myself. Like I said, seeing my letter in print for the entire world to see, gives me cause to fight for more injustices, speak louder, and write more.
Now when it comes to the readers, I feel like I am on the same level as them because from reading the past letters to the editor. There is always a strong emotion, sometimes expressions of agreement, sometimes of anger and disagreement.
In my letter I am trying to come across to everyone as I know how they feel. I know what to do and what to say. And I have been keeping up with everything that’s going on. At the same time that does give me a little Ethos / Creditability.
The magazine I chose is an emotional magazine to start with. It’s not for the average Joe Bob, who wants to know what the President’s stand on immigration is. It’s for the under 40 crowd, that loves to hear about sex, drugs, rock and roll, and massage parlors with the happy ending.
So I try to grasp the readers Pathos / Emotion, by appealing to their hearts, their wallets, and their sense of justice being served. I think we should stand up and fight back. Time after time, we have to live with injustice. Those are causes for movement and change which appeals to my audience, at least my intended audience.
Now how do I get people to feel how I feel is with Logos / Logic. Who wants to stand by while our state government wastes money persecuting innocent people in the same boat (under 40) we are all in?
It’s pretty easy to see why I wrote this. I am a freedom fighter, I am a student of life, I am a man in search of conflict, a man that has been persecuted for most of my life. A long time ago, I would have been terrorized for the same actions the teenager has done. Well I want it to stop.
When I wrote this, sadly the teenager had already endured two years of fighting back, proclaiming his innocence. That’s two years too long. One I feel it’s stupid to arrest a child for child porn. And two, arresting anyone without investigating is outrageous

Starts A New

Alright, one person learning about me, many more to go. I had a long talk with a friend of mine today, mostly about me for some unknown reason. We also talked about me being hostile. I feel a little relieved, but I've also realized I am still learning alot about myself. I need to talk and express myself more. Let myself open up and be free. Open and honest with myself.

01/25/07

The truth hurts… The world is a hard and lonely place… and nobody get anything for free… and you wanna know what else, you and everyone you know is gonna die. I’m raw and hard, to in-depth for average people. It’s like going to heaven and finding out God smokes crack. But on a more real level, “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses you understanding. It’s the bitter posion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility."

01/24/07

I started on my essay one today. Jolly said I had to identify the writer. Well I came up with a perfect name, Whiteshadow! It means I feel so invisible sometimes. White shadow is a perfect reference to how I feel. It may define how I feel but it doesn’t tell who I am. And I think it’s funny how invisible I feel being the founder of 5 radical leftist groups. Brothers Against Brothers In Eternal Struggle or B.A.B.I.E.S for short. Americans Fighting Racism and Oppression or A.F.R.O. for short. Born Revolutionary Organization or B.R.O for short. Explorers of National Diversity or E.N.D for short. And finally Social Order Rarely Exposed or S.O.R.E. for short. They were all created in the hope to get more BABES. LOL!

01/23/07

Well let’s start this off on the wrong path. I have anger and frustration issues that being said, I learned something about myself today. I was sure that I was what some people would call a freedom fighter, instead I am conservative. I am in no way saying that I am passive, I’m in fact very passionate about things I like and stand for. If you know me, you know what I mean but if you don’t and you want to know about me I am a weed in a garden of writers and readers. A weed is no more and can never be anymore than just a weed. But my classmates are the true flowers in the garden. Each person represents different flowers different colors. I’m a character in the background, I make the others shine. I write what I am thinking and I speak my mind.